Juliet

Romeo and Juliet was to premiere at Mount St. Ursula High School on the last Friday in April of 1975. Junior year was slowly coming to a close. Lenny’s parents had booked tickets to visit his grandparents in Italy that summer. The antipathy of spending the summer in the southern Italian countryside with little to do was eclipsed by the pleasure of not having to work at the deli.

He figured that his last chance to see Joa before boarding a plane for Rome would be to attend her play. Lenny knew that all the male actors in were from Fordham Prep. Most were seniors who had been involved in theater since their freshman year. Lenny's best friend, Mike, had already purchased his ticket. “Len, are you going to the play at Ursula?” “Not sure.” “I heard that the girl you met at the dance is the lead. Her friends who saw her practice say she is damn good at it. She's beautiful and speaks with that cute accent; she's probably going to be great. Are you two still together?” Mike had instigated a sensitive topic. Lenny looked away, giving no answer. “From the look on your face, the answer is no. So, what happened?” “Nothing, I just got tired of her.” The bravado came easily, but the lie hurt. “I still think you should go. You’ll either be happy you dumped her, or you’ll shit all over yourself if she’s the perfect Juliet, and you are the perfect asshole.”

The night of the play, there was standing room only, so Lenny was content observing from the back of the theater. The first sight of Joa stunned him. He hadn’t seen her since the Christmas dance. The costume, hair, and makeup all blended to create an erotic image. She was taller, he thought. Her hair was longer, and her breasts were those of a woman. The fourteenth-century dress enhanced her features, and there was a certain sexiness despite it covering most of her body. During the intermission, he knew Mike would help himself to a penetrating comment, so he decided to ignore it even if it spoke the truth. “Len, every guy in this place just fell in love with Juliet. She is more beautiful than when you first danced with her. Back then, she looked like she was still in middle school. Now, I would mistake her for a teacher. I can’t get over the transformation, Jesus… she’s fucking stunning!” Lenny walked away to join a small group of other Preppies hanging out with some of the Ursula girls. One of the girls, Sophie, recognized Lenny. “Hi, aren’t you Leonardo? Joa’s ex-boyfriend? I remember you from the dance. I’m so sorry you and Joa broke up. I thought you two were so perfect together. Is it okay to call you Leonardo? “Yes, but Joa was the only one who called me that. Everyone else calls me Lenny. All I know is that we suddenly stopped seeing each other. There was no real breakup, and now I’m surprised to learn that I’m an ex-boyfriend. I said something that offended her, and she stopped talking to me.”

Sophie led him to an empty bench in the lobby of the theater. “Sit, tell me what happened. I know Joa, and I can tell you if she has gotten over it.” Lenny related a polished version of what happened, narrating his regretful words… and only hinting at the physical intimacies. “Leonardo…I mean, Lenny, I can understand her getting angry when you asked about her past, but I don’t think she would still hold a grudge if all you wanted to know was if she kissed another guy. I mean, a lot of the girls have had more than one boyfriend, and there would be some kissing. I have to tell you that I truly doubt Joa had a boyfriend before you. Her mother is strict about that, and she would never have liked a boy from her block.” She took Lenny’s hand into hers and caressed it in a show of sympathy and support, followed by an affectionate hug. As Sophie spoke her last words, Joa happened into the lobby to gaze at two in an intimate embrace. She drew an inevitable conclusion. “Leonardo, I’m surprised you came. Hi Sophie, do you two know each other?” “Not really, I knew him from the dance at Fordham, but this is the first time we’ve talked.” “From what I can tell, it seems like you have spent some time together.” “No, we haven’t”, replied Lenny nervously, distancing himself from Sophie. Joa had made up her mind, refusing to believe Lenny’s denial. “Well, you two carry on…I hope you enjoy the rest of the play.” She walked to the opposite end of the lobby only to find Christian standing there, welcoming her with quiet applause. She greeted him with a surprised look and a hesitant smile. He took both her hands and delicately kissed her on her right cheek, followed by a congratulatory whisper. “You are amazing! I had no idea that a high school play could be Broadway quality. I had never gone to one, thinking they were silly and embarrassing. I was so wrong. It has nothing to do with the fact that I’m crazy about you, but you stood out on that stage. You were by far the best, and so convincing. You know I work at the Imperial Theater, and I've seen many plays in Manhattan, some of which I've seen several times. Still, I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that you are just as good as any of those actors. I couldn’t help but think that your Juliet is what the real one must have been like.” Joa giggled. “You do know that the story is fiction.” “No, I thought it was all real. I saw the movie, and the narrator introduced the story as if they were all real people back then… in that city in Italy, wherever it was. We never did read the book in class.” It was clear that Christian was not passionate about literature, and it was no surprise to her. “You’re being much too kind. I sincerely doubt I can be compared to your Broadway actors. They have been doing it for years. This is my first. I do love it, and perhaps that’s why I feel comfortable becoming the character.” Christian’s infatuation was gaining steam.  "Well, you have all the ingredients for a perfect Juliet. You're turning me into a Romeo.” He was attempting to introduce affection into the equation. Not an easy task for Christian who had only thought of girls as chicks you take out on dates and try to have sex with. There was something about Joa that evening, however, that emphasized her femininity, accentuating her beauty beyond her appearance. She had become irresistible not only to Lenny and Christian but to most of the men in the theater. Even the adult males appeared enraptured.Lenny and Sophie watched and listened as Christian showered Joa with praise. Despite reacting kindly to the attention, Joa remained focused on Lenny’s reaction. She was happy to see him, but she remained confused about his intentions…was he there voluntarily, or was he urged on by his friends? The intermission was brief, and Joa asked Lenny a question as she returned to the stage. “Are you staying for the second act? I can meet you when it’s over.” “Not sure, I don’t want to get in the way of your date with Christian.” “I do not have a date with him!” “It seemed like he was planning on being with you after the play. I was close enough to hear him offer to take you out.” “I refused.” Lenny insisted.“You did go out with him once before. Sophie mentioned you two dated.” “We did, and it was exactly that, a date. We had dinner in New Rochelle and then he took me home.” Joa was choosing her answers carefully, leaving out the parts that would have turned Lenny away again. Most of her wanted Lenny to stay, but in her confusion, she wasn’t sure that Lenny still had feelings for her. If she could have peered into his heart, she would have found her answer. The Arthur Avenue kid wanted nothing more than to be given a reason to defeat his ego and to deposit his battered emotions into Joa’s arms. The fact that she had been on a date with Christian left him despondent, and unable to overcome the conspiracies germinating in his fertile head, he said nothing as she walked away.

During the second act, he paid less attention to the play and more to Christian, who was wiggling his way into a first-row seat. As he walked down the side aisle, Lenny decided to confront him. “Are you Joa’s boyfriend?” Christian looked at him, baffled. “Who the fuck are you, and why do you want to know?” Lenny tried putting on a brave face. “We used to be together, and I want to know since I want to ask her out again.” So, you’re that Lenny guy she mentioned. Look, man, you should crawl back into your room, pull out your coloring book, and keep yourself busy. She is so out of your league. You’re a kid compared to her. She got a taste of what it’s like to be treated like a woman, and there is no way she is going to go back to holding hands and licking ice cream cones. If you don’t want to make a fool of yourself, watch the rest of the play from the back of the theater and leave as soon as it ends. I’m sure there are plenty of ninth graders you can talk to…I mean, you’re a good-looking guy. Lenny anxiously stood his ground, asking more questions. “I need to know if you are a couple.” Christian snickered. “Fine, if you’re going to be a dick about it. We are a couple, and we have been out several times…dinner, romance, the whole nine yards. We drive around in my car, and I can tell she has enjoyed every minute of our time together. We have been intimately involved…do I need to explain that to you?” Those words doused his flame, plunging him into a mild depression. He had no comeback, no words to trade off Christian’s assertiveness. With his emotions deflated and his heart humbled, he thought only of retreating.

As the play ended, the gasps and the moans of the audience filled the cavernous theater as Juliet stabbed herself upon learning of Romeo’s death. To Lenny, the tragedy in which both lovers lay dead was overshadowed by the thought that they would never be able to consummate their love. It was over and done. Two corpses, thought Lenny, were all that remained of the massive love they shared. The more troubling part was to watch Joa die. It may have been Juliet, but to Lenny it was Joa. The thought was unimaginable. He was overcome with an unfamiliar grief that he hardly managed to suppress. Joa had played the death scene to perfection, graphic enough to be believable.

Juliet’s death reminded him of the state of their relationship… were they dead to each other? He would have chosen to meet her once the play ended, naively thinking his presence was enough to rekindle the embers that still flickered in her eyes. Yet, he battled the urge to approach her, avoiding the embarrassment of having to hear it from her that Christian had replaced him.

He lingered at the exit, facing the stage, when Joa appeared from behind the curtain. Christian was there waiting with a thin bouquet he pulled from inside his jacket. She accepted the flowers, but kept looking beyond her suitor, scanning the back of the theater, concerned that Lenny might have left. Lenny had seen enough to convince him to leave. She missed him as he slipped out the door.

The trip home was a blur. He couldn’t even recall getting on a bus. In days past, he was able to paint the blank, pale ceiling in his bedroom with colorful images of carefree days spent with Joa. The neighborhood, Fordham University campus, and the Botanical Garden provided the perfect backdrops. He succumbed to the encroaching maturity, which provided a more profound sense of what he once had and what he had lost. Joa had thawed his virginity with soft touches and silky kisses and chaperoned him out of the safety of the neighborhood’s bosom and into the thorny embrace of a female’s sexuality. Lenny had taken his first precarious steps out of the schoolyard, away from the graffiti, the stickball bats, and the lamentable juvenile babble. He was on his own to navigate an obstacle course with no guidance, littered with poor decisions. Joa had finally become everything. The simple details which his childish mind could once belittle and ignore had evolved into a cauldron of grown-up sentiments. He struggled to imagine a life dedicated to one person, to a singular path. As his youth yielded, he could no longer trivialize love. The sadness had taken root in his heart, and the pain was free to permeate. Joa’s pure and honest devotion had become a haunting nostalgia.

Lenny mellowed out, focused as much on Joa’s face and her expressions as on her words. Her nature and her beauty were again on display as they had been the night they first met. Her undiminished spunk, coupled with her melodic voice, exposed his desire to return to an earlier time when the goose bumps of a first love ruled his body. The image of Joa showing affection to Christian, her lips pressed against his, even for a short time, and his hand on her body, had become another obstacle. He couldn’t normalize his sentiments, so he avoided the makeup session he had hoped for. “I have to get back. My mother will wonder what’s going on between us. We are packing for our trip.” Joa couldn’t contain her disappointment. She felt suddenly alone, abandoned to an uncertain future with the only boy she could love. Lenny crossed Crotona toward his building without turning to look back. Overwhelmed by a sickening sadness, she dashed across the street, catching up to him. “Leonardo!” she yelled. “Why are you doing this? Why do you treat me with no heart?” Lenny turned and stopped her from entering the building. “What about you? Why did you allow your heart to stray so far? Is it that you can’t be without a guy? Are you so unsure of yourself that you can hop from one to another? You couldn’t have been sure about us; there were no final words spoken. There was no break-up. Yet, you decided it was fine to give in to Christian. It seems you would have done anything he wanted to keep the peace with his parents. Was it going in that direction? You don’t want me to jump to conclusions, but how can I avoid it in this case? You could have been friends without giving him what he wanted… or maybe you wanted it too, and that’s why it was easy.” Lenny reacted too late to stifle his words; his regret was immediate. “Your words hurt. Your words always hurt. Why? Nothing has been easy since you last insulted me. I did not give in to Christian. Boys and men have a problem understanding the intentions of females. I made it clear to him that I wanted us to be friends, and I did not go beyond the kiss. He struggled to stop himself, but I managed to handle it. You insist on considering me weak and needy. I want to be with a man for the rest of my life, but if it’s not the right person, then I’m fine without one. I would choose you to be with, but if you question who I am and my intentions, then it won’t work, and I’m okay with that." She barely got the last few words out when she angrily started her trek back to Fordham.  

The Saturday morning after the play, Joa ventured down to Lenny’s neighborhood. She walked to his building and waited across the street, leaning up against the schoolyard fence. Rosella opened the bedroom window, insisting that her son had slept long enough. From his window, she noticed the young girl looking up at the building. She didn’t give it much thought until she realized she was still there, fixated on the building, twenty minutes later. “Leo, do you know this girl standing in the schoolyard? She’s been there at least half an hour, staring at us.” The sight of Joa sent Lenny into the bathroom to wash the sleep off his face. A few minutes later, he was crossing Crotona toward the schoolyard. “Why are you standing here?” “I’m here because you are a coward. You walked away at the end of the play without saying a word to me.” Confused and upset, Lenny strung together the first words that came to him. “You’re calling me a coward, but you’re a liar. Christian told me how close you two have been, even physically. You made it sound like you didn’t have a relationship with him. He told me just the opposite. If you think we're no longer together, then tell me the truth. I know he is older, and he has much more than I do. I left right after the play because of the conversation I had with him. I felt like such a fool. I didn’t want to face you with the thought of you and him… well… I was convinced he was telling the truth, and I didn’t want to see or talk to you.” “What did he tell you? That he and I had sex? That is not true! Leonardo, look at me… look at me! I did not have sex with him. It is one big lie to keep you away from me.” “He didn’t come right out and say you two had sex. In his own words, that’s the way he made it sound.” “Okay… this is what has happened between us: we did date, and when he tried to kiss me, I refused. I did go to his prom because his mother asked me. He never asked anyone because he wasn’t planning on going. She told me that he liked me and that if I agreed to, he would want to go with me to the prom. I did it as a favor to his mother. She is very kind and treats me well at the bakery. I didn’t see any harm in it, and he was a gentleman. I know him, and I know why he told you those lies. I told him about you and how I felt about you. Despite all that, he continued to be friendly, and I saw no reason to be mean to him. I need the job at the bakery, and I am trying to stay friends and not upset his parents. They pay more much more than any other job can. I hardly use any of the money I earn on myself. Most of it goes to my mother to make ends meet. I’m not sure you can put yourself in my place…and I’m not asking you to. You have a comfortable life; you have both your parents, and you always seem happy. You don’t need to deal with my issues. You can walk away or continue to ignore me, and I would understand.” Lenny’s ego wouldn’t relent; he needed to know more. “You didn’t do anything with him?” “If you mean sex, then no… I didn’t have sex with him. I had no way of knowing where we stood. You didn’t call, you didn’t come by, it was like you didn’t care anymore, so I felt free to date. I came here to clear things up, and because I know how I feel about you, and that Christian will never get the same affections from me. I never made you think that we were just trying each other out. I came to you the night of the dance because when I looked at you, I felt an attraction I couldn’t explain. I wasn’t even shy about asking you to take off your shoes when we danced. Most girls wait to be asked by a guy to dance. I didn’t want the night to end without talking to you. I panicked at the thought that we would go our separate ways forever.” Lenny heard and chose to store away Joa’s words, but he wasn’t listening. “I guess you two kissed on the lips. Did he touch you?” Joa took her chances with her stark truth. If she were about to lose Lenny, then the truth would make it permanent. “No lies. We did kiss on the lips, and you must believe me that I felt nothing. He touched my breasts before I could react. He was rough, and I asked him to stop. He did. He wanted to go out again, and I refused. I convinced him that I needed time to myself. He has left me alone, almost ignoring me.”

 As much as she wanted Lenny to stop her, he did nothing. After a few yards, she turned to confront him again. “That’s it? You have nothing more to say? This is how it ends for you? I’m walking away, possibly out of your life forever, and you just stand there with no emotion? What is the matter with you, Leonardo? Is there anything pumping in your chest? Oh my God, you really aren’t going to say anything…” She pounded the sidewalk, returning to him in a rage, and when she was within reach, her hand clipped his left cheek. He had no defense, no words, having been taken entirely by surprise. Her eyes pierced his…still no reaction. Ten minutes later, she was standing at the bus stop on Fordham Road. The family trip to Italy would have Lenny leaving New York on the last day of June. There had been no communication with Joa. He wouldn’t touch down at JFK until the first week in August. Early in July, Joa was to make her first trip to the Imperial Theater, unannounced, to meet Christian. She remained depressed by her last encounter with Lenny. She missed him dearly, but she questioned their future. The theater district was her only escape. Christian would remain a questionable friend, but she liked him more since he had scaled back on the juvenile flirting. Lenny's absence would weaken her further, and the summer heat, the empty and lonely streets of her neighborhood, would have her seeking refuge in a precarious relationship.